It’s been months since I’ve updated my little dog and pony show.  I’ve received e-mails asking that I get back in to it; I obviously haven’t.

For those of you who were around when I first began, I was a posting machine.  I’d commit myself to one post a day, and thus was testing out toys and sex products all the time like some horny maniac.

This coming March will mark TheINQUEERY’s 3 year anniversary.  Three years of reviewing sex toys…believe it or not, it gets somewhat exhausting!

I spoke to friends casually about possibly shutting down the site all together.  Each of them said the same thing; “Don’t you dare!”  Or some similar alternative statement.

Despite the site not being updated for months, it maintains a steady stream of incoming readers.  For this I am proud of myself, but it also makes me remember that what I am doing here is important for many men, gay or otherwise.

It’s this reason that I have decided to re-commit myself to what I set out to do: educate men about sex, safety, and sex products through my own personal experiences.

In order to re-commit myself to sex education online I need to provide an incentive for myself to reel me back in.  I’m a busy pig after all and to commit time to blogging when I have my regular job at The Pleasure Chest, workshops, conferences, etc, is a rather time consuming commitment.  That’s why I’ve decided that I will be renovating the sites clunky design for the 3-year anniversary, making it look all clean and purdy.  On top of that, I will be creating a sister-site as well, which will be less “Let’s read about Brandon having sex and masturbating!” and more education focused for everyone, with content appropriate for young men as well as us old folk.

Next year I will have the opportunity to travel across the country and will be planning on speaking at various schools and centers whenever possible.  If you have a topic that you’d like to have me speak on or you think that an establishment might benefit from my presence, you can always e-mail me at mebrandonb@gmail.com.

Until then, I just wanted to express my thanks to all of you who have made the roller coaster of the last three years possible.  Your support, be it indirect or otherwise, is very special to me and I truly appreciate you sharing your stories, your questions, your feelings, and your experiences with me so that all of this can be possible.

For the new year, let’s all resolve:

Be safe!

Be sexy!

and above all…

xo

Brandon B.

Tracy Morgan, you dumb ass.

Seriously man where is your head? When I read the comments you made during your now infamous stand up routine in Tennessee, I slammed my forehead on my keyboard repeatedly for about 30 minutes hoping for a similar “there’s no place like home”-esque heel-click effect. That if I continued slamming my head on my keyboard long enough, and believed hard enough, that I would return to the real world where I would realize that all of this was all, in fact, just a dream.

After regaining consciousness and realizing that this horrible world we live in where morons like you get paid more than teachers was reality, I decided I needed to e-slap you – not because I really care one way or the other what happens to you or your career – but because you are obviously unaware of how unpolished and lame your shtick is. I have never thought you were funny, not only as an audience member but as a former comedian myself.

As most people know I was trained as an improv comedian for about a million years. I performed live on stage more times than I can remember with absolutely no script and not once during my “career” did I make such mindlessly idiotic statements. My peers and I never even considered going down the road of being blatantly offensive performers. We didn’t have to, because we were actually smart and funny.

I’m so annoyed by you, not just as a gay dude, but also as a performer. I love dark humor when it’s done right, but there is a very, very thin line between hilarious and belligerently horrid. I’m sure you’re aware of which side you landed on.

There is a difference between using comedy as a form of therapy and what you did. Dark humor is meant to make people face things; the elephant in the room. Saying what people are thinking but not talking about. It can be therapeutic to be so bold. To be able to laugh at the situation at hand with some tongue in cheek brassiness. I understand dark humor, I get it, I love it, but you fail at it.

Now I consider myself to be a fairly pragmatic person and I know what it’s like to be up there on that stage. I get it; sometimes things get carried away in the moment and you start feeding off the energy of the audience and morphing your performance to satisfy their needs. Maybe you didn’t write that material and it just came to you in the moment, or maybe you did write it (and if you did you should really consider A – anger management and B – hiring a writer), but either way I want you to be aware of the potential damage that was done.

Here is what is not ok about what you said, besides the fact that you said it at all. Your audience wasn’t laughing, they weren’t “in on the joke”. The audience reportedly applauded your statements, some going so far as to shout “You go Tracy!” That’s when your comedy show stopped being a comedy show and started being a platform to vent anger and disgust towards the gay community. That’s when it stopped being funny and started being a rally for hate.

I don’t understand how you felt this formula was a good idea:

• You say “If his son [said] that [he] was gay he better come home and talk to him like a man and not [mimicking a gay, high pitched voice] or he would pull out a knife and stab that little N-word”

• The audience cheers and applauds.
• The audience goes home.
  

Maybe you thought whatever punchline was in your head was properly communicated, but I can guess that it wasn’t. Instead you just added fuel to the fire of a state of people whose anti-gay hate crimes have been on a steady increase for the last 5 years. Instead you gave the people responsible for this lovely art in 2008 some more inspiration:

Instead you told a city which holds the second highest number of anti-gay hate crime incidents for 2010 in the state of TN that they should attack someone who is gay, and as if that wasn’t awful enough you said that they as an adult should stab and kill their gay child. An interesting place to make that statement since in 2007, 24 of the 56 reported anti-gay hate crimes were against victims 24 years or younger.

Wow you are hilarious Tracy. Really good work you’re doing out there in the world.

People really need to stop paying you to support ignorance and violence, and comedians need to stop defending every dark humored joke that goes wrong. Here’s a newsflash: It’s only comedy if people are laughing.

I have a headache…

Ok so I must admit, I am feeling a little like a hoarder. I’ve honestly never seen the show but I get the jist and when I look around my apartment I tug at my collar and hope nobody reports me to the producer. To think of all the money I wasted on a bedframe when I could have just strategically laid dildos end-to-end and built one. It would also lead itself to some interesting responses when people ask me about my sex life (“Well I sat on my bed at the wrong angle the other night and OH MY GOD GIRL LET ME TELL YOU..”). Upon completion of this post, I will have placed a square plank of wood atop my four Tenga Flip’s and eat breakfast off of it.

Anyway, back to the Tenga Flip Air White review…Like it’s brothers, the Tenga Flip Air is made of hypoallergenic elastomer which is ideal with water-based lubricants and can be cleaned with a mild anti-bacterial soap and warm water, then left open to air dry. Simple!

Jack off toys are relatively easy to use, as demonstrated by the Flip Air instructions below:

(note: that’s not mustard in step 2, but it does make you curious doesn’t it…)

Ok, great! Let’s get to jerkin’ then!

I opened the Flip Air so I could apply some of my favorite lube, the new girl in town Sliquid Organics Oceanic. I find with jerk off toys that the more lube you use, the better! I crammed my peter into the soft wet hole while holding the button down as instructed and then released, and got to work.

The events that follow are not for the weak of heart.

The Flip Air doesn’t so much as create a suction effect exactly, so much as it creates a vacuum. Or vortex. Have you ever fucked a vortex? Seriously; stick your dick in a black hole the next time you’re in the cosmos. Then take it out, and repeat the process. Tell me that isn’t some Satanic sounding BS. The amount of noise that this toy makes is insane! It literally sounds like the hounds of hell are slurping on your dick, and not in the good way. I mean maybe it would be hot if it weren’t just me and the cat in the room — and if you’ve never jerked off in front of a cat you are/aren’t missing something/anything. The saucer eyes of terror combined with the amount of noise that this toy was making was just too much for me to emotionally handle.

On top of the loud noise, the toy didn’t actually feel that great. I mean, don’t get me wrong — if your dick is wet and getting attention it’s not going to complain, but for the amount of money spent on this thing compared to the Flip Hole, I was pretty disappointed. I even tried adjusting the amount of suction by pressing the button on the side, and although the sensation changed it simply fluctuated between “Meh” and “It’s alright I guess…“

Sorry Tenga, it’s a miss. And my cat is now afraid of any quick hand gestures around my hip area, thanks for that. It’s not even my cat, I’m baby sitting it for a few months…

Tenga Flip Air White provided by The Pleasure Chest.

Ever since I first met the Sliquid Organics Gel I have been a very happy camper, and if you like it as much as I do then you are probably going to love Sliquid Oceanics because it is essentially the same thing, except with a pretty cool twist!

Sliquid Oceanics is infused with several things that I have trouble pronouncing; specifically carrageenan, nori, and wakame. I recognized nori, I love sushi and I know that meant sea weed, and the thought that they are putting sea weed into lube!? That’s some satanic 2012 bullshit there. Why on earth would you put something so gross feeling, so slippery, so slimey, so slick into a lubri…..OOOOOH!

You can really feel the difference, too. Although the Organic Gel version on its own already lasted a good long while, the Oceanics lube really goes the distance! I gave it the taste test and it has no flavor which is great when you plan on giving head and want to use some lube to give your cocksucking skills an extra boost. Using it to jack off requires little to no reapplication depending on how much you use.  I always tell people the more lube the better!

When used anally it really does make all the difference. I had a lovely morning with my Pure Wand the other day and Sliquid Oceanics kept my booty nice and slick the entire time.

It has all the benefits of its gel sister — it’s vegan, organic, etc.  The sea weed boost just puts it over the top, and if all that wasn’t great enough, it’s also been shown that carrageenans are extremely potent inhibitors of HPV infection. Wow.

I really can’t think of a more perfect water-based lubricant. Feel free to use that quote in your next issue, Cosmo.

Sliquid Oceanics is available at The Pleasure Chest.

Oh my god!! Oh my god oh my god oh my god you guys! It’s almost my favorite day of the year — my birthday! I have been trying to think of what you all could get me, as well as ways to get the attention and praise that I require as a Taurus-Sun/Leo-Moon combo, and I’ve got just the ticket. Let’s have a contest!

“I HEART BRANDON B” Birthday Contest Realness!

Everyone knows that I am a huge attention whore and exhibitionist, and my greatest hope is to help others bring that out in themselves as well. So this contest will be all about embracing your inner Brandon B and really turning it out for the camera.

To enter, e-mail me a picture of yourself (or a part of yourself — cue George Tekei “Oh my!”) that you feel expresses your true love of me using your sexy self presenting Brandon B REALNESS.   To be eligible all photos submitted should clearly display the phrase “I HEART BRANDON B”.  You can write it on paper or REALLY up your chances by writing it somewhere on your body-ody-ody.  The sexier, more creative, more fun spirited, the better — though let’s stay away from nudity.  Brandon B is all about the flirt and the tease. Leave me wanting more!  Plus I’ve seen all your dicks on MANHUNT already anyway…

Incorporating some of the things I love is also encouraged but not necessary:

* Tattoos (real or self-made fakes)!

* The color fuchsia!

* Guys wearing makeup!

* Cats! #lizlemon

* Glitter!

* Bedroom eyes!

* Shirtlessness!

Submissions will be judged based on creativity, flirtation, and ultimately the pictures that display a sense of sexy fun that I try to personally share with the world! E-mail submissions to mebrandonb@gmail.com including your name. Submissions are due by April 29th, 2011 at 9:00PM and the winners will be decided by me and my best friend and posted on my personal blog PLAN B on April 30th — my birthday! Must be 18 years old or older to enter and living within the United States.

So what are we playing for?

3rd Place will receive a bundle of Tenga Eggs and a bottle of my NEW favorite water-based lube, Sliquid Oceanics (review coming soon)

2nd Place will receive one of my favorite buttplug the Tantus B-Bomb and a bottle of Sliquid Oceanics

1st Place will receive several bottles of various Sliquid lubes as well as the coveted, the cherished, the Brandon B of sex toys — the NJOY Pure Wand

UPDATED 4/13 4:44PM: Due to the support I have received from JimmyJane, Sliquid, and The Pleasure Chest when they all heard it was my birthday and I was doing a giveaway, the 1st Place winner will also receive a JimmyJane Form 2 vibrator and they get a choice…between the NJOY Pure Wand Oooorrrrr….the beast that is the NJOY Eleven. Who’s your favorite pretty boy?

Happy birthday to me! Good luck!

As I tell all my readers, the Aneros toy line is a very specific type of toy.  Those looking for more of a thrusting motion or something girthy should look into dildos.  Aneros is all about prostate massage.  The prostate gland, as we all should know by now, is a very sensitive gland that acts much as the magical female g-spot (we call ours the p-spot, men).  Massaging this gland, which sits approximately 2 – 3 inches within the anus towards the belly button side of your body, can create dramatically stronger and longer lasting climaxes.  Some readers have even reported having hands-free orgasms using one of my personal favs — the Aneros MGX!  So how does the Vice measure up?

Well for starters it is larger than the MGX.  A LOT larger.  For those looking for more girth this puppy is the ticket, though don’t let its size fool you — the silicone body of the Vice means that once it’s lubed up and your body is ready for it, it slides in like a charm.  Silicone means that it is also non-porous, so you just have to wash it before and after with some mild anti-bacterial soap and warm water and it’s safe to use without worries of it harboring bacteria.

At its widest it is 1 1/4″ and at its longest, 4″.  Doesn’t sound like a big deal?  Well let’s see!

I don’t usually watch porn when I am reviewing a product because I am SO CLINICAL and need to focus on everything, however since I am easing back in to treating myself right I decided to put on something steamy from Hot House — one of my favorite porn companies.  We’ll call it a little artistic inspiration…

One of the things I love about the Aneros toys is when they “click” into place.  That’s not to say that my ass clicks.  It does many awesome things but that isn’t one of its talents yet.  Once it got passed the second large bump and settled into place it was firm inside me.  The p-spot really doesn’t like being stimulated until you are aroused for the most part, so I didn’t turn the vibe on, I just let the porn stars do their thang and I let myself get in to it.  Once I was hard and feeling good, I turned on the vibe.

I have to confess I never thought I’d get married, but I am officially announcing my engagement to the Aneros Vice vibe.

It doesn’t just vibe.  It vibes hard, and then slowly decreases in intensity.  Once it has settled for a moment, it builds up again and vibes intensely inside the Vice, which carries the vibration straight up through its delicious silicone body.  This rhythmic vibration is good for keeping tempo with contracting and releasing the toy, resulting in a firm and buzzy massage of your p-spot.

After a few minutes I couldn’t even focus on the porn; I was making a scene all my own.  Jacking off with this beast inside of me, teasing me and thrilling me, was the only thing I could concentrate on.  When it came time to cum, I came a cum worthy of coming home to.  The climax was strong, and each pulsation of my ass pressed my now SUPER sensitive prostate against the still teasing vibration of the toy.

I am super happy with the Aneros Vice.  It’s not an “all the time” toy, but it is a great toy for Aneros enthusiasts such as myself who want to take their orgasm to the next level!

It runs a little high at around $139.95, but for those who want a piece of art that not only pleases but also exercises your PC muscle set — resulting in more control over your ejaculation and more intense orgasms — this toy will earn its keep in no time!

Aneros Vice is available at The Pleasure Chest.

I have said it before and I’ll say it again — I am a bit of a sex toy and lube snob at this point.  Once you see the difference in the quality stuff versus the junk it’s really difficult to give the less expensive lubes the time of day.  Which is sorta why I never bothered to try Gun Oil H2O.  It isn’t dramatically less expensive than some of the other lubes out there (the 2oz. bottle I bought was $6.95), but the packaging looks kitschy and cheap.  I can appreciate the bullet shaped bottle in theory but in practice it just looks like a horse suppository.

But I decided to give it a closer look and was surprised by the ingredients.  Water, HEC, PEG 45, Methylparaben, Propylparaben, Polyquatemium, Tetrasodium EDTA, Germall 11, Sodium Benzoate, Aspartame (an artificial sweetener), Polysorbate 20, Aloe Vera Extract, and Ginseng.  Aloe vera is believed to help moisturize skin which, if true, in this scenario would come in handy! (“come in handy!”…did anyone catch that?  Just me?  Ok..)  Ginseng is believed to have aphrodisiac properties, as well as act as an aid for sexual dysfunction in men.  Now, whether applying it topically in the diluted amount  that is in this lube makes any difference at all is questionable, but I thought I’d mention it.

Now as you have possibly learned from prior postings, water-based lubes are best for jacking off and for blowjobs, not for anal, so I only tested it for those.  I don’t recommend water-based lubes for anal because they dry up really fast, absorb into your body, etc…So stick with a good silicone for the buttsects.

Jacking off with Gun Oil H2O was surprisingly good!  I put my snobbery aside and focused on its performance and it went the distance.  I typically use a decent amount, especially with thinner lubes like this one,  so I don’t experience a lot of drying up.  If your lube dries up a lot try using more per squirt.  You can never have enough lube, and the less you use the faster it dries up.

I don’t know that the aloe or the ginseng made any difference.  After I was finished I washed my hands and they felt soft but I think that’s just what happens when you wash your hands…But it felt great when jerking off.

As for blowjobs…I am not sure why there is aspartame in this lube.  If it’s to mask the awful taste then it fails, it tastes like some green house cleaning product.  Yuck!  Don’t put it in your mouth, just keep it in your hand and wrapped around your happy cock.

Gun Oil H2O provided by The Pleasure Chest.  You can also support The INQUEERY by purchasing some from the online store in 4oz, 8oz, or even a massive 16oz size!

I know what you’re thinking. “I can’t think of a single thing I want for Christmas this year except a lap dance from the scrawny awkward nerd that runs TheINQUEERY.com” Well you are not alone, and I hear your mildly-offensive pleas, and being the philanthropist I am I have agreed to give you exactly what you want!

On February 4th come join Tied Up Events, my awesome self, and some other sexy fools as we raise money for Sex Work Awareness. Not many people are aware that today is International Day to End Violence Against Sex Workers. As stated on the Sex Work Awareness website, “Join us in solidarity to fight the criminalization, oppression, assault, rape and murder of sex workers – and of folks perceived as sex workers.”

The event goes from 6:30PM to 10:00PM and it all goes down at Madame X here in New York City. There will be a performance by Graydancer,  belly dance and foot rubs by Luna, and lap dances (politeness and strip club etiquette  apply, except in my case where I only ask that you not leave bite marks) by The Luscious Lifestyle Diva, Ms. Yolanda Shoshana,  Ms. Abiola Abrams, Sweet N’ Lo,  Ms. Savannah Darling and of course me. If you can’t imagine me giving a lap dance have a look at this and get ready to make it rain on me.

Admittance is $15 pre-paid via Eventbrite or $20 at the door and includes a 2011 NYC SexBlogger Calendar featuring me (I’m August), Wet safe sex kits, and a $10 gift certificate to The Pleasure Chest for the first hundred people to register and/or arrive.  You can also pre-purchase your lap dance or foot rub tickets for $15 at Eventbrite (remember to print out and bring your confirmation with you) or pay $20 at the event.

For more information please visit TiedUpEvents.com. See you there!

(Photo: 2010 JM Darling)

300 years ago when I was born I never dreamed that I would have such amazing people and projects filling my life. I also thought I’d never have sex with Brad Pitt (it totally happened last night in my dream. I’m not joking).

I am excited to announce that I am officially a member of The Darling House. Darling House is a live salon chronicling the erotic renaissance and I am basically the head gay supreme of the posse. Haters gonna hate.

So what does this mean? Coming soon you will find tons of live content including photos, videos, live cams, and other fun artsy business. All for free and a lot of it including my smooth sexy body.

The launch will be soon but I wanted to announce all this now because tomorrow at Beauty Bar in New York City we are holding a fund raiser for Burning Angel model Jessie Lee. Poor Jessie was hurt badly in a car accident and we are rallying behind her to help pay some of her hospital bills by selling some beautiful erotic photos by 20 amazing photographers, showcasing some sexy live acts, holding a raffle, and plus I’ll be there getting tipsy and asking people to touch my hair. Oh and a portion of the bar goes to Jessie’s fund, so yeah I’ll probably contribute most of that. It goes from 8-11, so come out and meet the other darlings.

Hope to see you there!

-Brandon B.

I have to send a very warm shout out to Memo at Fun Factory who is a big supporter of mine and hooks me up with all kinds of great products. Thanks Memo! I was very curious when he told me about this toy and he happily obliged my desperate begging subtle suggestions that I wanted to try the Cobra Libre and sent me one. <3

The Cobra Libre is made out of platinum silicone which as I’ve told you before is very hygienic and easy to clean and should only be used with water-based lubricants. I’m a germ freak so things like that matter to me. To give you an idea of how germ freaky I am this post has taken me 3 hours to type already because I keep stopping to Purrel my keyboard.

Check out this ad for the Cobra Libre. I guess it’s supposed to look like a car, versus what I thought it looked like (see; squid body).

This isn’t your mother’s jerk off toy (I’m convinced my mom has several). As I said before it vibrates, and these vibrations range from mild to wildly intense. It’s also rechargeable and fully submersible so you can safely use it under water if you wanted, but I can’t fit into my bath tub so I wasn’t able to test that out.

I grabbed my Sliquid Sassy and lubed up the interior of the toy nice and wet and then proceeded to lather up my 14″ cock.   The entrance of the Cobra Libre is only about 2 1/2″ so the jerking motions are limited, but we all know it’s all about the head anyway (“I’ve got three kids by the head!”).

Slipping your dick in this thing is like fucking a robot, which may not sound fun at first but think about it. Still nothing? Ok well let me try to elaborate in a non-insane way…

The vibrations against the head of your dick almost act like an intense stroking sensation all on their own. We’ve all heard of hummers (when you hum while sucking someone off) and it’s basically the same thing, except the Cobra Libre doesn’t stop to complain that it’s their turn now. Get back to work down there!

Slight jerking motions and twists are all you need to send shivers down your spine literally! This toy is very intense and although I’d say it’s not a “use this everytime you jack off” type of toy, it is definitely a “put out the good silverware we have an important guest” type.

Cumming with this thing buzzing on your dick is super intense. You know that feeling right after you cum when you’re like DON’T TOUCH IT DON’T EVEN LOOK AT IT because you’re so sensitive? Yeah well it ignores that and literally made my legs quake like I was a puppet and my puppeteer was shaking me.

My only complaint are the buttons. They are sensitive to touch, and the way they are positioned can make it hard to hold the toy without accidentally adjusting the vibration intensity, but a little careful practice and that’s not an issue. Or just do what I do and lay it down on the bed and fuck it. Ooo la la, who needs a man. The other downside is this toy has been so popular they are almost never in stock! Grab one while you can!

Two thumbs up! If I had more thumbs I’d put them up.

Cobra Libre provided by Fun Factory. You can purchase one from your local Pleasure Chest.