Ok so I must admit, I am feeling a little like a hoarder. I’ve honestly never seen the show but I get the jist and when I look around my apartment I tug at my collar and hope nobody reports me to the producer. To think of all the money I wasted on a bedframe when I could have just strategically laid dildos end-to-end and built one. It would also lead itself to some interesting responses when people ask me about my sex life (“Well I sat on my bed at the wrong angle the other night and OH MY GOD GIRL LET ME TELL YOU..”). Upon completion of this post, I will have placed a square plank of wood atop my four Tenga Flip’s and eat breakfast off of it.

Anyway, back to the Tenga Flip Air White review…Like it’s brothers, the Tenga Flip Air is made of hypoallergenic elastomer which is ideal with water-based lubricants and can be cleaned with a mild anti-bacterial soap and warm water, then left open to air dry. Simple!

Jack off toys are relatively easy to use, as demonstrated by the Flip Air instructions below:

(note: that’s not mustard in step 2, but it does make you curious doesn’t it…)

Ok, great! Let’s get to jerkin’ then!

I opened the Flip Air so I could apply some of my favorite lube, the new girl in town Sliquid Organics Oceanic. I find with jerk off toys that the more lube you use, the better! I crammed my peter into the soft wet hole while holding the button down as instructed and then released, and got to work.

The events that follow are not for the weak of heart.

The Flip Air doesn’t so much as create a suction effect exactly, so much as it creates a vacuum. Or vortex. Have you ever fucked a vortex? Seriously; stick your dick in a black hole the next time you’re in the cosmos. Then take it out, and repeat the process. Tell me that isn’t some Satanic sounding BS. The amount of noise that this toy makes is insane! It literally sounds like the hounds of hell are slurping on your dick, and not in the good way. I mean maybe it would be hot if it weren’t just me and the cat in the room — and if you’ve never jerked off in front of a cat you are/aren’t missing something/anything. The saucer eyes of terror combined with the amount of noise that this toy was making was just too much for me to emotionally handle.

On top of the loud noise, the toy didn’t actually feel that great. I mean, don’t get me wrong — if your dick is wet and getting attention it’s not going to complain, but for the amount of money spent on this thing compared to the Flip Hole, I was pretty disappointed. I even tried adjusting the amount of suction by pressing the button on the side, and although the sensation changed it simply fluctuated between “Meh” and “It’s alright I guess…“

Sorry Tenga, it’s a miss. And my cat is now afraid of any quick hand gestures around my hip area, thanks for that. It’s not even my cat, I’m baby sitting it for a few months…

Tenga Flip Air White provided by The Pleasure Chest.

As I tell all my readers, the Aneros toy line is a very specific type of toy.  Those looking for more of a thrusting motion or something girthy should look into dildos.  Aneros is all about prostate massage.  The prostate gland, as we all should know by now, is a very sensitive gland that acts much as the magical female g-spot (we call ours the p-spot, men).  Massaging this gland, which sits approximately 2 – 3 inches within the anus towards the belly button side of your body, can create dramatically stronger and longer lasting climaxes.  Some readers have even reported having hands-free orgasms using one of my personal favs — the Aneros MGX!  So how does the Vice measure up?

Well for starters it is larger than the MGX.  A LOT larger.  For those looking for more girth this puppy is the ticket, though don’t let its size fool you — the silicone body of the Vice means that once it’s lubed up and your body is ready for it, it slides in like a charm.  Silicone means that it is also non-porous, so you just have to wash it before and after with some mild anti-bacterial soap and warm water and it’s safe to use without worries of it harboring bacteria.

At its widest it is 1 1/4″ and at its longest, 4″.  Doesn’t sound like a big deal?  Well let’s see!

I don’t usually watch porn when I am reviewing a product because I am SO CLINICAL and need to focus on everything, however since I am easing back in to treating myself right I decided to put on something steamy from Hot House — one of my favorite porn companies.  We’ll call it a little artistic inspiration…

One of the things I love about the Aneros toys is when they “click” into place.  That’s not to say that my ass clicks.  It does many awesome things but that isn’t one of its talents yet.  Once it got passed the second large bump and settled into place it was firm inside me.  The p-spot really doesn’t like being stimulated until you are aroused for the most part, so I didn’t turn the vibe on, I just let the porn stars do their thang and I let myself get in to it.  Once I was hard and feeling good, I turned on the vibe.

I have to confess I never thought I’d get married, but I am officially announcing my engagement to the Aneros Vice vibe.

It doesn’t just vibe.  It vibes hard, and then slowly decreases in intensity.  Once it has settled for a moment, it builds up again and vibes intensely inside the Vice, which carries the vibration straight up through its delicious silicone body.  This rhythmic vibration is good for keeping tempo with contracting and releasing the toy, resulting in a firm and buzzy massage of your p-spot.

After a few minutes I couldn’t even focus on the porn; I was making a scene all my own.  Jacking off with this beast inside of me, teasing me and thrilling me, was the only thing I could concentrate on.  When it came time to cum, I came a cum worthy of coming home to.  The climax was strong, and each pulsation of my ass pressed my now SUPER sensitive prostate against the still teasing vibration of the toy.

I am super happy with the Aneros Vice.  It’s not an “all the time” toy, but it is a great toy for Aneros enthusiasts such as myself who want to take their orgasm to the next level!

It runs a little high at around $139.95, but for those who want a piece of art that not only pleases but also exercises your PC muscle set — resulting in more control over your ejaculation and more intense orgasms — this toy will earn its keep in no time!

Aneros Vice is available at The Pleasure Chest.

I have to send a very warm shout out to Memo at Fun Factory who is a big supporter of mine and hooks me up with all kinds of great products. Thanks Memo! I was very curious when he told me about this toy and he happily obliged my desperate begging subtle suggestions that I wanted to try the Cobra Libre and sent me one. <3

The Cobra Libre is made out of platinum silicone which as I’ve told you before is very hygienic and easy to clean and should only be used with water-based lubricants. I’m a germ freak so things like that matter to me. To give you an idea of how germ freaky I am this post has taken me 3 hours to type already because I keep stopping to Purrel my keyboard.

Check out this ad for the Cobra Libre. I guess it’s supposed to look like a car, versus what I thought it looked like (see; squid body).

This isn’t your mother’s jerk off toy (I’m convinced my mom has several). As I said before it vibrates, and these vibrations range from mild to wildly intense. It’s also rechargeable and fully submersible so you can safely use it under water if you wanted, but I can’t fit into my bath tub so I wasn’t able to test that out.

I grabbed my Sliquid Sassy and lubed up the interior of the toy nice and wet and then proceeded to lather up my 14″ cock.   The entrance of the Cobra Libre is only about 2 1/2″ so the jerking motions are limited, but we all know it’s all about the head anyway (“I’ve got three kids by the head!”).

Slipping your dick in this thing is like fucking a robot, which may not sound fun at first but think about it. Still nothing? Ok well let me try to elaborate in a non-insane way…

The vibrations against the head of your dick almost act like an intense stroking sensation all on their own. We’ve all heard of hummers (when you hum while sucking someone off) and it’s basically the same thing, except the Cobra Libre doesn’t stop to complain that it’s their turn now. Get back to work down there!

Slight jerking motions and twists are all you need to send shivers down your spine literally! This toy is very intense and although I’d say it’s not a “use this everytime you jack off” type of toy, it is definitely a “put out the good silverware we have an important guest” type.

Cumming with this thing buzzing on your dick is super intense. You know that feeling right after you cum when you’re like DON’T TOUCH IT DON’T EVEN LOOK AT IT because you’re so sensitive? Yeah well it ignores that and literally made my legs quake like I was a puppet and my puppeteer was shaking me.

My only complaint are the buttons. They are sensitive to touch, and the way they are positioned can make it hard to hold the toy without accidentally adjusting the vibration intensity, but a little careful practice and that’s not an issue. Or just do what I do and lay it down on the bed and fuck it. Ooo la la, who needs a man. The other downside is this toy has been so popular they are almost never in stock! Grab one while you can!

Two thumbs up! If I had more thumbs I’d put them up.

Cobra Libre provided by Fun Factory. You can purchase one from your local Pleasure Chest.

I’ve become really picky with my toys, especially my strokers. I forget that I work at The Pleasure Chest and get a sexy discount and free toys sometimes, so I need to check my ego. Not everyone can afford a $100 toy for jacking off, so I need to speak to the masses. Where do we get our cheap handjobs! The Climax Gems Emerald Stroker is about $20 so it’s a good place to start.

This green blob is made of super soft and squishy CyberSkin. Now anyone that knows me knows my love/hate relationship with CyberSkin. Sure it usually feels good when lubed up, but the maintenance required to keep it from deteriorating and literally MELTING is just obnoxious to me. But again we are on a budget this round and we can’t afford the “better” lower-maintenance materials, so let’s ignore that for now and focus on performance.

I had a really weird day on Saturday. All I did was watch porn. Not jack off or anything at first, just watch it. I watched Pirates 2 for the first time and loved it. Pirates — for those who aren’t aware — is probably one of the most successful straight porns ever made. The sequel was so much better though.

Anyway I decided I should probably jack off at some point so as not to be “that creepy guy in apartment 3B that we can always hear watching porn,” and I used this opportunity to give the Climax Gem a go-go.

I lubed it up with some Maximus after fluffing myself to Not the Bradys XXX (James Deen is so flippin’ hot). One thing I don’t like about some strokers is you have to shove the lube deep into the tunnel in order to get it slippery all the way through. I found squirting some in the hole and then finger blasting it help a bit, but still..annoying.

I was sure that my lubed hand would make this toy hard to control but I was wrong. I had a firm grip on it and fucked it nice and hard. The inside of the toy has a series of ribs that feel kinda nice, especially when you give it a firm squeeze towards the head of your dick.

It made a weird sound that I enjoyed because I am a child. Because of the tapered shape of the hole, while fucking it I kept hearing a noise that sounded like a slide-whistle! Whee!

When watching porn I like to time my load with the porn stars money shot but I wasn’t going to make it this time — I blew right into the Climax Gem 4 minutes too soon. Grr!

While I sat there climaxing I had to STOP jacking all together. The sleeve was so tight and had so many stimulators inside, the slightest move drove me crazy. I’d love to tie someone up and jack them off with this just to watch them squirm like I did!

So alright, the toy felt just fine. I think there are better ones out there, but it does the job and it feels good, and anything that can make me say to myself “DON’T TOUCH IT. DON’T MOVE IT” for such a low price has to be worth at least a go. Just keep in mind to store this toy away from other toys and pick up some CyberSkin Renew to keep its texture nice and fuckable. Happy jackin’!

Climax Gems Emerald Stroker provided by The Pleasure Chest. You can support TheINQUEERY by purchasing one from the online shop for about $17.

#catladiesoftomorrow

As I mentioned, the Tenga Black Flip Hole is supposed to be tighter, and this is accomplished by a completely new interior pictured here:

Tell me that doesn’t look like an Anime version of the movie Teeth and I’ll buy you a Coke you fuckin’ liar.

Never fear though! The inside of the Black Flip Hole is just as soft and squishy as it’s predecessor. It retains the other positive attributes of its brother as well: three buttons on the side which when pressed increase the tightness to the area selected and an opening case that allows for easy lube application and clean up.

So how does it feel?

I applied about twelve gallons of one of my favorite jack-off lubes, Sliquid Sassy, to the entire interior. With masturbation sleeves, using lots of lube is key to avoid uncomfortable friction.

I queued up some porn and starting playing with myself pretending that I was the “little bitch. You slutty little bitch!” that was getting nailed in the vid. Once I was nice and firm I slid my cock into the Flip Hole, and YUP this thing is indeed tighter! At first I thought it might be too tight, but then within a few strokes I started to feel the benefits.

You can totally feel every curve, bend, and texture inside of this thing. Much better than the typical rhythmic repeating patterns of most sleeves, each stroke acted like a hot wet blowjob if the person’s tongue were firmer and could move like a snake. That may be the weirdest thing I’ve ever typed but I’m leaving it.

It’s hard to last long while jacking off with this little beast! The texture and the tightness combined was getting me to the point of cumming a lot faster than I was used to with other sleeves!

Something I have learned with a lot of sex toys is the real pleasure occurs when you cum. Typically when I cum I slow my stroke down severely, but this time I wanted to see what it would be like to keep my pace and jack off through the orgasm.

I wish I had recorded it because as I started to cum and jack myself harder my entire body collapsed forward. Cumming with this thing riding my dick was so intense my entire face contorted into a hilarious orgasmic jumble of embarrassing expressions. I can safely say that of all the sleeves I’ve ever used, this was the most intense experience.

If you think that sleeves in general are a waste of time and don’t really do anything for you, then this mean toy is for you. The tightness combined with the ease of use and cleaning make it probably the best jack off sleeve on the market. Yeah I said it!

Tenga Flip Hole Black provided by and available at The Pleasure Chest. You can also support The INQUEERY by purchasing one online at my online toy store!

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Well one of the reasons why men don’t grab this is because everywhere you look in Je Joue’s advertising they are very clearly marketing this toy specifically to women for unlocking the g-spot, but as any of my more seasoned readers (see: sex toy sluts) most g-spot toys are actually GREAT for p-spot play (prostate stimulation). The g-spot and p-spot are pretty much the same in regards to how to reach and stimulate it, so ignore the marketing and use your imagination when looking at most toys. Plus it comes in manly chest-beating black, for those of you that care about the color of your toys.

One of the most interesting features of the G-Ki is its ability to change shape via two buttons on its side. You can turn it from the long slightly curved toy pictured above into the ass-pleasing beast curve pictured below:

This extreme curve usually makes for one happy prostate! Just ask my favorite p-spot toy the Njoy Pure Wand!

(the last sentence was written an hour ago, then someone I used to sleep with IMed me and cybered. #behindthescenes)

So what other benefits does the G-Ki possess? It’s made of medical-grade silicone, which means it’s non-porous and doesn’t contain any harmful chemicals, perfect for anal toys. This also means you can’t use silicone lubes with it, but luckily there is Maximus. It also has five vibration levels and five pulsation patterns, which usually lead to some mind-blowing orgasms. As the prostate receives pressure and vibration, it becomes more and more sensitive and usually leads to a much thicker, massive load once you cum. On top of all that it’s 100% waterproof, so all you bougey bitches with bathtubs can soak in some nice warm water and get yourself off in the tub.

So how is it? Let’s find out!

I started off with my usual — 2 buck Chuck and candles (cuz I’m a god damn LADY). I laid on my back and lubed up two fingers nice and good with lots of Maximus and gently worked one and then both into my tight hole (and it is still tight, contrary to popular belief!). Fingering yourself is a great way to work up to a prostate toy. If you just go right for the toy penetration, sometimes it can be really uncomfortable and painful (ouch!). I fingered myself nice and good, and it actually reminded me of said-ex from earlier!

Once I felt I was loose enough to insert the G-Ki I lubed it up along its shaft and gently let it into my body. I had it bent at the full angle, and found that my ass was able to take it in no problem, but it was still tight enough to pop the first button loose and re-extend the tip of the toy. Boo!

But the second button stayed in place, which is plenty fine. I liked that it actually stayed in hands free, and made for some really nice rubbing sensation inside of me.

Once I got comfortable with that I started the vibrations. Something I have come to learn about vibrations internally is that you don’t really feel like it is doing anything sometimes at first. It really shows its true power once you cum.

I started jacking off while playing with the toy in my ass and went up to the pulsations. The pulses teased and pleased internally and felt really good, especially the very last one which is a series of quick, intense pulses!

When I finally came I was in heaven! My legs shook and I shot a rope clear up to my chin. The orgasm from this toy was really intense. I wish I could have watched someone cumming that hard, it would have been hot!

Overall the G-Ki is a great luxury anal vibe for anyone looking to intensify their solo butt-play. If you’re a dude and want to experience a prostate orgasm and have $99 to spend on quality, definitely look into this little monster! It may look scary but it feels great. That’s what she said.

G-Ki courtesy of Je Joue. You can purchase the G-Ki from any Pleasure Chest store!

Tenga has a whole line of jerk-off sleeves on the market now. I’ve reviewed a handful of them thus far including the iPod-looking Flip Hole and the adorable Eggs. With the exception of the Flip Hole, they are one-time-use masturbation sleeves that are pre-lubed and easy no fuss jack off toys that work great.

I was excited when I saw the Rolling Head Cup because I instantly knew what the purpose of it was for. When someone is giving you a handi (thanks Alec Baldwin from SNL for that term) or sucking you off, one of the best feelings is when they roll around on the head of your dick — at least for me. Well that’s what this toy is supposed to do!

The inside of this cup is lined with soft, pre-lubed twists and turns. The middle portion is constructed to be flexible so you can roll the cup around on your wee-wee.

I was eager to try it so I got myself aroused by thinking of Joe Jonas in 10 years (#shame) and stuck myself inside.

Like the other Tenga products it felt really nice, but in this case it was a matter of “A nice place to visit but I wouldn’t want to live there.”

With my excited thick 12″ long cock inside, I started rolling the head around as advertised, and was so let down by the results! The rolling action was so mild it was borderline torture. I realized that I was going to have to mix it up, so I combined jerking along with the rolling.  That helped a bit, but with both hands in play it was becoming more work than I wanted at the time.

I ended up retracting slightly so that my head was in the mid portion of the toy and rolled there for a bit, and that was nice for a little while. Again though, it just felt like too much of a tease to do anything for me.

I think Tenga is a cool line, and their other models have made me a very happy camper thus far, but I think with the Rolling Head Cup the concept is there but the execution was just so-so. I’d give it a try, they’re only $15, but like I said — I’m glad my AC is installed finally.

Tenga Rolling Head Cup provided by The Pleasure Chest. You can support The INQUEERY by purchasing one from our online store at SexToys.com.

I have seen and heard about the Nexus line for a long time, however I’ve never had the pleasure of using any of their toys.  Any funds I had usually went to the Aneros which had a pretty similar style, so I figured they’d probably feel the same.  I was wrong!

The Glide is made out of medical grade polypropylene (plastic), which is great because that means it’s non-porous and easy to clean!  It also means I can use any lube I want, and so I whipped out my trusty Maximus.

I started by adding lube to my soft beautiful hand-dildos (fingers) and rubbing at my hole.  It’s grown much tighter since I’ve been experiencing a bit of the dry spell of anal neglect which some feel is good, but I hate it.  I like my ass to be like my mouth when it spots a martini: wet and ready to take it all in one shot.

After loosening my ass up thoroughly it was time to pop this cherry.  I wriggled the Nexus Glide in carefully and found it very easy to insert despite my veritable butt-hymen.  Once it was inserted all the way I felt it “lock” into place and my prostate said “Hello old friend!”  It felt great!

But the real pleasure from this guy came from manipulating and playing with the tail-like handle.  Each subtle push, pull and wiggle of the handle massage my p-spot with direct firm joy.

I got to the edge of the bed and thrusted my hips so that the handle would hit the edge of the mattress, and omg!  It was like being fingerblasted in the best possible way!

Another great feature is the metal rolling ball with targets the perineum.  A lot of people have complained that the Aneros line’s thin, pokey plastic tip that massages the perineum hurts them, but this smooth rolling ball presses against your body with the same amount of pressure however will roll against your skin instead of digging into it.

Needless to say I had a leg-quivering orgasm and have named my Nexus Glide Orlando (Bloom).

I’m sad I didn’t find this treasure sooner, definitely a great toy for anyone interested in anal, beginner and expert alike!

Nexus Glide provided by Nexus.  You can support my slutty little site by purchasing it in The INQUEERY’s online store.

Fun Factory makes all of their toys out of 100% body safe materials.  In the case of the Wave, we are talking medical-grade silicone.  As I’ve mentioned before, medical-grade silicone is one of the best materials out there for anal toys because they are non-porous (wont harbor bacteria), they don’t contain any nasty chemicals, and they are easy to clean — you can actually boil them for up to 3 minutes to sterilize them if you so choose.  Great!  Just keep in mind not to use silicone-based lubricants with them as they will cause the toy to melt.

There are two things about the Wave that intrigued me upon first glance.  The bend at the tip would make for some excellent p-spot (prostate) stimulation, but even further the series of “waves” traveling down the shaft seemed like they would also make for some great p-spot/sphincter stimulation.  You sphincter muscles in your anus are literally your butt hole.  Same page?  Good.

Well damn, you have to have a champion ass to use this guy as it turns out.  Just when you are feeling good about yourself, the Wave comes along, climbs up your ass, and fucks you off your high horse.

The toy is easy enough to insert for intermediate/advanced players, that wasn’t the issue.  Once you have it fully inserted it feels great!  But then taking it out… Holy fuck farts.

The waves along the shaft, despite being soft to the touch, are SUPER intense.  My eyes bugged out of my head 3+ inches when I first pulled the Wave out.  It was like a thousand goblins playing Quidditch in my ass.  The stimulation was SO intense, I had to take a small breather before inserting it again, and I did so reluctantly.

I decided that thrusting may not be the best course of action for this beast so I took it to the bathroom and straddled the edge of my tub, and rub a dub-dub, rocking on this thing is amazing!  You could do this anywhere really, but I always use the edge of my tub for sitting directly on toys because you have lots of leg room on either side to support your body and you can really go hog wild on the poor thing.  And speaking of waves — the streams of cum that all that p-spot stimulation produced made me feel like I was caught in a rip current.  Literal waves!

Flattering visuals for you left and right today..

Ultimately this toy is really only for advanced players due to the fact that it is so intense.  If you are looking for a challenge, grab one of these guys.  If you are perfectly happy with your beginner/intermediate toys, leave this one to the High Ass-Rollers. I bow to thee, Wave.  You have proved that I am not man, but mouse..

Wave provided by Fun Factory.

For starters, can I just talk about the packaging?  Am I the only one that gets a little creeped out by the sight of a purple-studded palm?  It’s stirring up memories of watching the OJ Simpson trial.  Remember when that one prosecutor lady got a haircut?!?? (Yes, CNN, I am available to be a guest speaker on anything).

Jac-Off is made of TPE (aka Thermo Plastic Elastomer aka soft stuff).  TPE is porous and so you should wash this thing before and after each use with a mild antibacterial soap and let it air dry.  One side of it is smooth whereas the other side has a smattering of soft bumps here and there.

Using this one is pretty no-brainer, but for those that are having trouble visualizing — you literally just lay it in your palm, add some lube, and start jerkin’ your chain.

I know it looks cheap and shitty but it actually feels pretty good!  You have complete control over the tightness and you can really feel the bumps unlike some other milder bumps and ribs on other sleeves.  It’s relatively easy to hold on to provided you don’t get too much lube on your jerkin-hand.  Using this was surprisingly nice — it was an easy breezey way to make jacking off feel like fucking a nice warm octopus mouth (you should probably ignore all of these sexual references to sea animals).

The only bad thing I have to say is that it’s pretty weird to store.  You need to keep it in a plastic CD case (provided) because it is so delicate and porous.  I dunno, maybe you can actually store it on your CD shelf, for those of you who are the last people on Earth to own CDs.

For beginners, Jac-Off is an inexpensive easy way to dip your toe into the pool of sex toys.  Similar to the new Tenga Eggs, I really enjoy the no-fuss approach to getting off.

Jac-Off provided by SexToy.com.  You can buy it and other fun Masturbators from their online shop!