the INQUEERY

On the 26th of July I held my monthly Blowjob workshop and it was a gushing wet blast! Every time I do it more and more people show up and it warms me heart. I was talking about masturbation sleeves at one point and saw a sea of confusion wash over everyone’s face. I paused and took a quick poll; “How many here have never heard of a masturbation sleeve before?” I was shocked when almost the entire room raised their hands! I guess I have more work to do, and how timely. I was just given this glowing green goodness called the Climax Gems Emerald Stroker to review. Let’s see how it measures up!

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I was most pleased with the original Tenga Flip Hole, most pleased indeed. Then a hot minute after I bought it Tenga released their newer Tenga Flip Hole Black. No big deal, I thought, but then I realized that this new Flip Hole was actually supposed to feel tighter. Thanks a lot guys! I have thousands of dollars to spend on you slightly modifying the same toy every three weeks! Disgruntled, I didn’t pick one up immediately and have been happily wanking with my original iPod looking Flip Hole to date. But now, much like the iPhone G4, I must have the next best thing. Luckily a Black Flip Hole has landed in my porcelain lap. I figure it is time to have some angry make up sex with this bad boy!

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As some of you may already know I was recently hired as the Manager for The Pleasure Chest in New York. It’s ironic that the higher up I go in the totem pole within the sex industry, the less time I have for sex. This is mostly my fault because I am both OCD about working non-stop and get lazy as a legless dog when it gets humid and hot. These two traits have led to a lot of lonely nights recently (well not a lot, but a lot compared to what I’m used to). It’s times like these that I turn to a new toy to make jacking off fresh, which is why I was very excited to receive this nice little gift from Je Joue. They expressed to me that their latest creation, the G-Ki, isn’t being celebrated as it should be in the gay world here in the US, and so I promised to give it a go and see if it deserves the INQUEERY’s Two-Dicks-Up seal of approval!

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It is getting as humid as a crocodile’s balls in New York lately. Walking around the city is starting to feel like dunking your face into a pool of BP tainted water, and I do not do well with it. My hair starts to look like a rat nest, my skin quality goes from 100 to zero in 2.5 seconds, and although I am not the type that stinks when I sweat the subways are now ripe with the thick scent of hipster man-pits. So needless to say, I haven’t been much in the mood to lay in bed with anyone (tried it the other night, we literally just swam in each other’s sweat. It was like when Jack dies in Titanic). I have my AC installed now so luckily that’s all about to change, but during this sweatastic week I turned to my toy chest for a little extra satisfaction, and out popped the Tenga Rolling Head Cup.

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Gosh it has been a while since I’ve shared a review with y’all! Sorry about that, life has been screwing me left and right, and not in the good way! But I am a hard as nails hooker and have been dealing with it like the hustler I am.  Sadly, I made the mistake that a lot of people do when they get busy and stressed — I stopped fucking myself!  Shame on me.  Well that all ends now, because the lovely people over at Nexus have come to my anal-rescue with a care package for my fanny.  One of the gems they sent me was the Nexus Glide.  Does the Glide have what it takes to make my butt smile as it used to?  Let’s find out!

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It’s been a while since I’ve done a review, and that’s not because I’ve healed over down there.  Frankly I’ve been busy with work, however I’ve also been busy testing out toys that various companies have been sending me!  It’s definitely lovely to not have to actually buy every toy that I am reviewing now, and after The INQUEERY’s successful first year I am happy to say that toy companies are flooding me with product to keep you all in the loop!  (If you build it, they will cum…) The first lovely company is one of my favorites, and I base that statement on looks alone because I am superficial.  Fun Factory is a cool company because they make all their toys look fun and, well, like toys.  Just because we are adults doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t have toys, eh?  An excellent example is the Wave dildo from their STUBS line.  I am feeling pretty ballsy about my anal-abilities these days and scoffed at the challenge of this guy, but man…pardon the expression; I got my ass handed to me!

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When asked “Would you ever masturbate with a pancake made of probably-a-jellyfish?” I shouted an enthusiastic FUCK YES I WOULD.  Who wouldn’t, given the chance?  But sadly, the fantasy of using sea life to masturbate seemed unrealistic.  That is until I received the probably-made-of-jellyfish looking Jac-Off masturbator sleeve in the mail.  I really appreciate it when they succeed in getting the instructions for the toy into its name, and although they spelled Jack wrong I can TOTALLY tell where they are going with this…I am meant to use this to sex myself!  Let’s do it!

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I love sex.  One of my favorite parts of sex is how much fun it can be with the right attitude.  Complimentary to fun sex is a fun sex toy.  They are called toys, afterall.  Well Tenga (of Flip Hole fame) has released a new toy called the Tenga Egg and the packaging alone is a lot of fun.  It’s a masturbation sleeve discreetly hidden inside a little egg casing!  Fuck an egg?  I’m all over that!

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We have come a long way from sticking screwdriver handles in our butts.  Nowadays there are a lot of high-quality toys designed specifically for our anuses that wont result in an embarrassing trip to the ER (“I slipped and fell on it”).  There are some companies that are taking it to the next level and providing luxury toys for your ass.  That’s right — luxury toys designed to make you feel good and get smeared with poop.  God bless America.  LELO has designed a toy that I have had my eye on for a few months now called the Billy.  It’s a vibrating prostate massager and, after listening to my friend Lucy of Sexy Blogtime! rave about her Gigi (the girl version of Billy), I was delighted when mine finally arrived in the mail.

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I have been having some fun with different cockrings lately.  They are like dick-jewelry.  I am also hoping that I am not the only perv who giggled when they first heard the song Single Ladies (If you want it then you should’a…yeah).  That’s why I was really excited when LELO sent me their vibrating cockring called the Bo.  LELO as I have mentioned is one of my favorite toy companies out there and I am enjoying their Homme line a lot!  I’m gonna give this cockring a whirl and see if it tickles my pickle.

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