Angry gays across the country have been sending me bombs and pitchforks in the mail with cards attached that read “USE ON YOURSELF” due to my lack of posting. I’m sorry! I got distracted (see; Netflix, drinking beer with my buddies, petting cat, etc). Leave it to Tenga to lure me out of my domestic cave and back into the world of sex-posure for your amusement. I read online that they were releasing a new and improved version of the Tenga Flip Hole White and Tenga Flip Hole Black, both of which I looooved. This one would work by creating a suction sensation versus the pressure control that the Flip Holes used, and hey I never complain whenever someone wants to suck on my dingy, so this is gonna be awesome right?!
Someone pointed out my lack of posting recently and asked if that meant I haven’t been playing with toys. I wish I could say they were wrong, but they aren’t. I have committed a cardinal sin; I have not been making time for me to make myself feel sexy and get off beyond quicky yank and pranks. Now that I have seen the error of my ways I am back, and I have a whole trunk full of goodies that I have just been waiting to review for y’all. The first on my list was the new girl in town from Aneros. Everyone knows how much I love the Aneros line, and how much I love silicone toys, and how much I love anal vibration…well the three have finally come together in the Aneros Vice.
I know what you’re thinking. “Why haven’t you been posting your usual TMI and what the fuck is that thing on the left?” Well the answers are related — I have been busy with work and that is a sex toy (aka work). But here I am pervs, and I have a very special treat to share with you. Introducing Fun Factory‘s new Cobra Libre for men. I know you guys are a big fan of the Fleshlight and although this is similar to it it’s actually difficult to compare the two because this little puppy does something that the Fleshlight doesn’t — it vibrates!
On the 26th of July I held my monthly Blowjob workshop and it was a gushing wet blast! Every time I do it more and more people show up and it warms me heart. I was talking about masturbation sleeves at one point and saw a sea of confusion wash over everyone’s face. I paused and took a quick poll; “How many here have never heard of a masturbation sleeve before?” I was shocked when almost the entire room raised their hands! I guess I have more work to do, and how timely. I was just given this glowing green goodness called the Climax Gems Emerald Stroker to review. Let’s see how it measures up!
I was most pleased with the original Tenga Flip Hole, most pleased indeed. Then a hot minute after I bought it Tenga released their newer Tenga Flip Hole Black. No big deal, I thought, but then I realized that this new Flip Hole was actually supposed to feel tighter. Thanks a lot guys! I have thousands of dollars to spend on you slightly modifying the same toy every three weeks! Disgruntled, I didn’t pick one up immediately and have been happily wanking with my original iPod looking Flip Hole to date. But now, much like the iPhone G4, I must have the next best thing. Luckily a Black Flip Hole has landed in my porcelain lap. I figure it is time to have some angry make up sex with this bad boy!
As some of you may already know I was recently hired as the Manager for The Pleasure Chest in New York. It’s ironic that the higher up I go in the totem pole within the sex industry, the less time I have for sex. This is mostly my fault because I am both OCD about working non-stop and get lazy as a legless dog when it gets humid and hot. These two traits have led to a lot of lonely nights recently (well not a lot, but a lot compared to what I’m used to). It’s times like these that I turn to a new toy to make jacking off fresh, which is why I was very excited to receive this nice little gift from Je Joue. They expressed to me that their latest creation, the G-Ki, isn’t being celebrated as it should be in the gay world here in the US, and so I promised to give it a go and see if it deserves the INQUEERY’s Two-Dicks-Up seal of approval!
It is getting as humid as a crocodile’s balls in New York lately. Walking around the city is starting to feel like dunking your face into a pool of BP tainted water, and I do not do well with it. My hair starts to look like a rat nest, my skin quality goes from 100 to zero in 2.5 seconds, and although I am not the type that stinks when I sweat the subways are now ripe with the thick scent of hipster man-pits. So needless to say, I haven’t been much in the mood to lay in bed with anyone (tried it the other night, we literally just swam in each other’s sweat. It was like when Jack dies in Titanic). I have my AC installed now so luckily that’s all about to change, but during this sweatastic week I turned to my toy chest for a little extra satisfaction, and out popped the Tenga Rolling Head Cup.
Gosh it has been a while since I’ve shared a review with y’all! Sorry about that, life has been screwing me left and right, and not in the good way! But I am a hard as nails hooker and have been dealing with it like the hustler I am. Sadly, I made the mistake that a lot of people do when they get busy and stressed — I stopped fucking myself! Shame on me. Well that all ends now, because the lovely people over at Nexus have come to my anal-rescue with a care package for my fanny. One of the gems they sent me was the Nexus Glide. Does the Glide have what it takes to make my butt smile as it used to? Let’s find out!
It’s been a while since I’ve done a review, and that’s not because I’ve healed over down there. Frankly I’ve been busy with work, however I’ve also been busy testing out toys that various companies have been sending me! It’s definitely lovely to not have to actually buy every toy that I am reviewing now, and after The INQUEERY’s successful first year I am happy to say that toy companies are flooding me with product to keep you all in the loop! (If you build it, they will cum…) The first lovely company is one of my favorites, and I base that statement on looks alone because I am superficial. Fun Factory is a cool company because they make all their toys look fun and, well, like toys. Just because we are adults doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t have toys, eh? An excellent example is the Wave dildo from their STUBS line. I am feeling pretty ballsy about my anal-abilities these days and scoffed at the challenge of this guy, but man…pardon the expression; I got my ass handed to me!
When asked “Would you ever masturbate with a pancake made of probably-a-jellyfish?” I shouted an enthusiastic FUCK YES I WOULD. Who wouldn’t, given the chance? But sadly, the fantasy of using sea life to masturbate seemed unrealistic. That is until I received the probably-made-of-jellyfish looking Jac-Off masturbator sleeve in the mail. I really appreciate it when they succeed in getting the instructions for the toy into its name, and although they spelled Jack wrong I can TOTALLY tell where they are going with this…I am meant to use this to sex myself! Let’s do it!