Hey Brandon. I read your article on premature ejaculation and found it interesting. I’m having the opposite problem. It takes me quite some time to get to orgasm/ejac and it seems to get longer and longer. I’ve always had a problem with lack of sensitivity of my penis for as long as I can remember. I know I had really great orgasm at younger ages and all but with age it’s getting harder to get there at all. It’s seems to have gotten much worse in the past year. I got a P/A piercing many years ago and it helped for a while but then got to be the same. I tried abstinence (OMG) and it felt good for a few times and then back to the same.
SO currently I can jerk myself off and get off in about 5-10 min. I think because I squeeze harder when I do it. If I have sex with someone else it can be from 1-5 hours and sometimes I can’t even finish myself off. Yeah, most guys don’t ever complain about a guy that can fuck you for hours and not get soft, but they want the icing on the cake too. About half of the time they have multiple orgasms and I don’t get one. I can get off if I bottom but still takes a long time and I don’t like it too much. I’m really tight and almost always bleed and am really sore. And I’ve had partners where we aren’t using protection with the same results. I never get off if I wear a condom. I can’t think of any psychological reasons that would cause this, I don’t feel anything wrong down there, other than a horrible case of blue balls after sex! I usually get to just the edge of an orgasm and then gone or it stays just under the edge for quite a while. AAAAAGGGGGGHHH. Any ideas??
Woah, there are a lot of different things going on here so I need to touch base on all of them. For starters I will say what I always say, I am not a doctor or anything so don’t take this as medical advice.
For starters, a wag of my finger for not using condoms! I hate to be the mother hen of the gay world, but in a day and age when HIV and STI (Sexually Transmitted Infections, formerly called STDs) transmission rates are sadly on the rise again, one can never hear the spiel enough.
Secondly, you should never ever ever bleed when having anal sex. This breaks my heart to hear especially because it is such a common thing that I am told, as if it’s just accepted as how it’s supposed to be. Bleeding from the anus can mean several different things, sometimes hemorrhoids, but more often than not it means you were penetrated when your body wasn’t relaxed enough to receive said penetration. Check out my nagging on the topic in a prior Q & A: It Hurts When I Bottom.
Thirdly, if you are experiencing orgasms when bottoming than maybe you’re a prostate guy, in which case there are great prostate massagers called Aneros that you can wear while topping someone else or even jerking off that feel great!
Now onto your question..
I used to date a guy who had no feeling in his penis. He could get hard but he had zero sensation. For him this was the result of a botched procedure to remove excess varicose veins from his testicles. The doctors must have snipped something they shouldn’t have, causing him nerve damage and thus elimination the sensation he felt in his penis. Like you, he could ejaculate, but that was simply a matter of pressure applied while masturbating, not pleasure.
I’m assuming you haven’t had any procedures such as these, but nerve damage is a possibility. The penis is a very delicate member, inside and out. It is possible that at some point you damaged something internally, though the only real way to tell if that is the case is to have a doctor examine you.
Another possibility is if you are uncut and have a tight foreskin, basically making it so the head of your penis is never exposed. This is called phimosis and is treatable via circumcision.
Assuming none of those are accurate, it could be possible that a lifetime spent having sex or jerking off without sufficient lubrication has caused some local nerve damage. People have told me many times before that they jerk off without losing lube because they like the sensation of friction. I hate to say it but friction is the enemy of your dick.
Friction against something as nerve-riddled and delicate as your penis can, over time, decrease sensitivity. It’s why people who are uncut usually have a much more sensitive glans (head) than someone who is cut. The foreskin acts as a barrier between the delicate head of your peeny-peen and the outside world. The outside world for your penis being coarse pubic hair, the texture of your underwear, or if you’re free-ballin’, the texture of your jeans.
Picture someone with smooth skin i.e. me. This person moisturizes like the girly woman he is and keeps his skin soft and protected from dryness and cracking. Now imagine this person stopping that process and instead rubbing the same part of his skin with the palm of his hand for 5-10 minutes a day, sometimes multiple times a day, over the course of a few years. The skin will have gone from silky smooth to dry and rough and possibly even calloused depending on various factors. Your dick is no different.
If that doesn’t make sense, think of it like an itch. When your arm itches for instance you scratch it. Scratching your itch makes the itch go away but in turn it also damages the area of skin slightly, and possibly the nerve endings in the region. You get the idea of what I’m trying to say, anyway.
I would say that this is reversible if this is the case since I know people with dry skin can improve their skin health through proper moisturizing on a daily basis over time, but don’t quote me on that. I would suggest using either a silicone lubricant like System JO or a thicker water-based lubricant like Maximus and reapplying at the first sign of it getting dry or sticky. There are also topical creams that contain L-Argenine such as Liquid V which help stimulate the area of skin it’s applied to. Stimulating lubricants such as Sliquid Organics Stimulating lube contain menthol which create a tingling sensation as it’s used and can add to the pleasure felt while jerking off or having sex.
Like I said though, if it’s an internal nerve issue you’re going to need to talk to your doctor, and it is never a bad idea to check in with him or her anyway just in case. Better to be safe than sorry when it comes to man’s real best friend, I always say.
I have the same exact problem… I’m gonna try some of these tips.