When it comes to sex toys and products, I suffer from product prejudice. When you have been in the industry for as long as I have, you just sorta have a natural knack for knowing what is going to blow your balls off and what is going to leave them blue. Of course on rare occasion I am wrong and surprised by something, which is always fun — and which is why I decided to give Swiss Navy Premium Cream a try. Also they sent me a sample for free and I am a total whore for freebies.
For starters let me just point out what a child I am; the first thing I thought about when using Swiss Navy’s cream was that it would be awesome to use it with the COLT Power Stroker. The thought of NAVY and GRENADE made me giggle with delight! This continued until I pointed out to myself that the Navy has nothing to do with grenades to my knowledge. Ah well, whatevs.
Like all cream lubricants, Swiss Navy Premium Cream is not latex safe. Cream lubricants are typically oil based, and the oil chemicals can and will eat through latex. If you really wanted to use a cream for sex you could use Polyurethane condoms, however the thought of accidentally grabbing the wrong type of condom in the heat of the moment isn’t a risk that I feel is worth whatever benefit you might feel you gain from using a cream or oil base in your butt. Just stick to silicone and water bases and leave the creams to do what they do best — masturbate you senseless.
The chemicals in Swiss Navy are essential a bunch of oily shit and yellow #5. This is usually a sign that I wont be jerking off for long before blowing everywhere.
Swiss Navy Cream comes out of the bottle with a nice, thick, white texture. If it would stay this thick the entire time I would be so excited. Alas, it is heat reactive, which means as I started using it the cream part went away while the oil part became very noticeable. After just a handful (har har!) of strokes the cream had turned into a thin, oily, slick glaze covering the entire length of my dick. Swiss Navy refers to this as its “vicious sheath”.
Swiss Navy Cream also boasts that it is “forever lasting”, meaning it wont dry up and you wont need to reapply. I found that to be true — but although the “sheath” was slick it wasn’t drastically so. In fact it was a very unique type of texture in that it really didn’t feel lubey at all. Yeah my entire dick was covered in this slippery glaze, but for some reason it wasn’t feeling so great. I couldn’t pin point it and then I remembered my personal preference to thicker lubes — and this lube has been spread so thin it had absolutely no thickness to it.
I did blow a healthy load though and the cream washed off easily. Not all that bad.
Eh, I dunno. I am on the fence with it, which — let’s be honest — means I don’t like it. Compared to some of the other cream lubricants out there, this one just doesn’t feel all that special or interesting. It runs on the cheaper side ($14-$20 range) which is appropriate because it feels…well, kinda cheap. Sorry Swiss Navy!
Officially I will say the same thing about Swiss Navy Premium Cream that I say to my friends about certain guys that I meet: “I wouldn’t kick him out of bed, but I wouldn’t invite him in“.
Swiss Navy Premium Cream can now be purchased from our discreet online store at SexToyFun!
For more reviews on lubes and other related products, please click Sex Products to your right!
If there is a product out there that you’d like me to try before you drop the cash, e-mail me at mebrandonb@gmail.com!
