New Years Message from Brandon B and The INQUEERY

December 31, 2011

Hello everyone!

It’s been months since I’ve updated my little dog and pony show.  I’ve received e-mails asking that I get back in to it; I obviously haven’t.

For those of you who were around when I first began, I was a posting machine.  I’d commit myself to one post a day, and thus was testing out toys and sex products all the time like some horny maniac.

This coming March will mark TheINQUEERY’s 3 year anniversary.  Three years of reviewing sex toys…believe it or not, it gets somewhat exhausting!

I spoke to friends casually about possibly shutting down the site all together.  Each of them said the same thing; “Don’t you dare!”  Or some similar alternative statement.

Despite the site not being updated for months, it maintains a steady stream of incoming readers.  For this I am proud of myself, but it also makes me remember that what I am doing here is important for many men, gay or otherwise.

It’s this reason that I have decided to re-commit myself to what I set out to do: educate men about sex, safety, and sex products through my own personal experiences.

In order to re-commit myself to sex education online I need to provide an incentive for myself to reel me back in.  I’m a busy pig after all and to commit time to blogging when I have my regular job at The Pleasure Chest, workshops, conferences, etc, is a rather time consuming commitment.  That’s why I’ve decided that I will be renovating the sites clunky design for the 3-year anniversary, making it look all clean and purdy.  On top of that, I will be creating a sister-site as well, which will be less “Let’s read about Brandon having sex and masturbating!” and more education focused for everyone, with content appropriate for young men as well as us old folk.

Next year I will have the opportunity to travel across the country and will be planning on speaking at various schools and centers whenever possible.  If you have a topic that you’d like to have me speak on or you think that an establishment might benefit from my presence, you can always e-mail me at mebrandonb@gmail.com.

Until then, I just wanted to express my thanks to all of you who have made the roller coaster of the last three years possible.  Your support, be it indirect or otherwise, is very special to me and I truly appreciate you sharing your stories, your questions, your feelings, and your experiences with me so that all of this can be possible.

For the new year, let’s all resolve:

Be safe!

Be sexy!

and above all…

 

xo

Brandon B.


Dear Tracy Morgan, my name is Brandon and I think you’re a dumb ass.

June 10, 2011

Tracy Morgan, you dumb ass.

Seriously man where is your head? When I read the comments you made during your now infamous stand up routine in Tennessee, I slammed my forehead on my keyboard repeatedly for about 30 minutes hoping for a similar “there’s no place like home”-esque heel-click effect. That if I continued slamming my head on my keyboard long enough, and believed hard enough, that I would return to the real world where I would realize that all of this was all, in fact, just a dream.

After regaining consciousness and realizing that this horrible world we live in where morons like you get paid more than teachers was reality, I decided I needed to e-slap you – not because I really care one way or the other what happens to you or your career – but because you are obviously unaware of how unpolished and lame your shtick is. I have never thought you were funny, not only as an audience member but as a former comedian myself.

As most people know I was trained as an improv comedian for about a million years. I performed live on stage more times than I can remember with absolutely no script and not once during my “career” did I make such mindlessly idiotic statements. My peers and I never even considered going down the road of being blatantly offensive performers. We didn’t have to, because we were actually smart and funny.

I’m so annoyed by you, not just as a gay dude, but also as a performer. I love dark humor when it’s done right, but there is a very, very thin line between hilarious and belligerently horrid. I’m sure you’re aware of which side you landed on.

There is a difference between using comedy as a form of therapy and what you did. Dark humor is meant to make people face things; the elephant in the room. Saying what people are thinking but not talking about. It can be therapeutic to be so bold. To be able to laugh at the situation at hand with some tongue in cheek brassiness. I understand dark humor, I get it, I love it, but you fail at it.

Now I consider myself to be a fairly pragmatic person and I know what it’s like to be up there on that stage. I get it; sometimes things get carried away in the moment and you start feeding off the energy of the audience and morphing your performance to satisfy their needs. Maybe you didn’t write that material and it just came to you in the moment, or maybe you did write it (and if you did you should really consider A – anger management and B – hiring a writer), but either way I want you to be aware of the potential damage that was done.

Here is what is not ok about what you said, besides the fact that you said it at all. Your audience wasn’t laughing, they weren’t “in on the joke”. The audience reportedly applauded your statements, some going so far as to shout “You go Tracy!” That’s when your comedy show stopped being a comedy show and started being a platform to vent anger and disgust towards the gay community. That’s when it stopped being funny and started being a rally for hate.

I don’t understand how you felt this formula was a good idea:

  • You say “If his son [said] that [he] was gay he better come home and talk to him like a man and not [mimicking a gay, high pitched voice] or he would pull out a knife and stab that little N-word”
  • The audience cheers and applauds.
  • The audience goes home.

Maybe you thought whatever punchline was in your head was properly communicated, but I can guess that it wasn’t. Instead you just added fuel to the fire of a state of people whose anti-gay hate crimes have been on a steady increase for the last 5 years. Instead you gave the people responsible for this lovely art in 2008 some more inspiration:


Instead you told a city which holds the second highest number of anti-gay hate crime incidents for 2010 in the state of TN that they should attack someone who is gay, and as if that wasn’t awful enough you said that they as an adult should stab and kill their gay child. An interesting place to make that statement since in 2007, 24 of the 56 reported anti-gay hate crimes were against victims 24 years or younger.

Wow you are hilarious Tracy. Really good work you’re doing out there in the world.

People really need to stop paying you to support ignorance and violence, and comedians need to stop defending every dark humored joke that goes wrong. Here’s a newsflash: It’s only comedy if people are laughing.

I have a headache…


Tenga Flip Air White Review

May 27, 2011

Angry gays across the country have been sending me bombs and pitchforks in the mail with cards attached that read “USE ON YOURSELF” due to my lack of posting. I’m sorry! I got distracted (see; Netflix, drinking beer with my buddies, petting cat, etc). Leave it to Tenga to lure me out of my domestic cave and back into the world of sex-posure for your amusement. I read online that they were releasing a new and improved version of the Tenga Flip Hole White and Tenga Flip Hole Black, both of which I looooved. This one would work by creating a suction sensation versus the pressure control that the Flip Holes used, and hey I never complain whenever someone wants to suck on my dingy, so this is gonna be awesome right?!

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Sliquid Oceanics Review

April 16, 2011

Confession time; I am terrified of the ocean. Not just the ocean, really any body of water, or even like, a stream, or water dripping off a roof, or a garbage can lid turned upside down and left out in the rain. It’s not a fear that I feel the need to confront, I am perfectly happy being afraid of water. Specifically the animals and plants in it. Really anything with a slime element just gives me the hardcore creeps. That’s why when I heard that one of my favorite lubricants was releasing a new formula called Sliquid Oceanics which is infused with elements of the ocean, I had very mixed feelings. If I wouldn’t even dare to put my foot in the ocean, would I dare to put something from the ocean in my ass? These are the deepest thoughts I ever have.

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“I HEART BRANDON B” Birthday Contest Realness!

April 13, 2011

Oh my god!! Oh my god oh my god oh my god you guys! It’s almost my favorite day of the year — my birthday! I have been trying to think of what you all could get me, as well as ways to get the attention and praise that I require as a Taurus-Sun/Leo-Moon combo, and I’ve got just the ticket. Let’s have a contest!

“I HEART BRANDON B” Birthday Contest Realness!

Everyone knows that I am a huge attention whore and exhibitionist, and my greatest hope is to help others bring that out in themselves as well. So this contest will be all about embracing your inner Brandon B and really turning it out for the camera.

To enter, e-mail me a picture of yourself (or a part of yourself — cue George Tekei “Oh my!”) that you feel expresses your true love of me using your sexy self presenting Brandon B REALNESS.   To be eligible all photos submitted should clearly display the phrase “I HEART BRANDON B”.  You can write it on paper or REALLY up your chances by writing it somewhere on your body-ody-ody.  The sexier, more creative, more fun spirited, the better — though let’s stay away from nudity.  Brandon B is all about the flirt and the tease. Leave me wanting more!  Plus I’ve seen all your dicks on MANHUNT already anyway…

Incorporating some of the things I love is also encouraged but not necessary:

* Tattoos (real or self-made fakes)!

* The color fuchsia!

* Guys wearing makeup!

* Cats! #lizlemon

* Glitter!

* Bedroom eyes!

* Shirtlessness!

Submissions will be judged based on creativity, flirtation, and ultimately the pictures that display a sense of sexy fun that I try to personally share with the world! E-mail submissions to mebrandonb@gmail.com including your name. Submissions are due by April 29th, 2011 at 9:00PM and the winners will be decided by me and my best friend and posted on my personal blog PLAN B on April 30th — my birthday! Must be 18 years old or older to enter and living within the United States.

So what are we playing for?

3rd Place will receive a bundle of Tenga Eggs and a bottle of my NEW favorite water-based lube, Sliquid Oceanics (review coming soon)

2nd Place will receive one of my favorite buttplug the Tantus B-Bomb and a bottle of Sliquid Oceanics

1st Place will receive several bottles of various Sliquid lubes as well as the coveted, the cherished, the Brandon B of sex toys — the NJOY Pure Wand

UPDATED 4/13 4:44PM: Due to the support I have received from JimmyJane, Sliquid, and The Pleasure Chest when they all heard it was my birthday and I was doing a giveaway, the 1st Place winner will also receive a JimmyJane Form 2 vibrator and they get a choice…between the NJOY Pure Wand Oooorrrrr….the beast that is the NJOY Eleven. Who’s your favorite pretty boy?

Happy birthday to me! Good luck!


ANEROS Vice Review

April 6, 2011

Someone pointed out my lack of posting recently and asked if that meant I haven’t been playing with toys.  I wish I could say they were wrong, but they aren’t.  I have committed a cardinal sin; I have not been making time for me to make myself feel sexy and get off beyond quicky yank and pranks.  Now that I have seen the error of my ways I am back, and I have a whole trunk full of goodies that I have just been waiting to review for y’all.  The first on my list was the new girl in town from Aneros.  Everyone knows how much I love the Aneros line, and how much I love silicone toys, and how much I love anal vibration…well the three have finally come together in the Aneros Vice.

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Gun Oil H2O Review

February 27, 2011

I was talking to this guy and when I decided that I wanted to sleep with him I asked him the usual questions anyone asks a guy when they want to coyly suggest you should make the beast with two backs together; “What kind of lube do you use?”  His answer was one I’ve heard before and it always makes me clutch my pearls — he used KY, unless he is caught up in the moment, in which case he uses whatever is around (the example he gave me was shampoo one time in the shower).  It was a combination of my maternal instincts and sheer terror at the idea of Head & Shoulders in my ass that made me go lube shopping for him.  I usually go right for my favorites but this time I paused on a lube that I usually breeze over; Gun Oil H2O.  I realized I had never tried this lube and needed something new to review so I picked some up for me and I got him some tried and true non-shampoo based lubes.

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